THE MIRROR HAS 2 FACES....and a double chin.....BUT GODDAMN I LOOK GOOD

Hello......Wow! Your eyes are a beautiful shade of slate/hazel,and did I tell you that you have a great smile....and the dimples...they make you look like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar....did anyone ever tell you that you have this beautiful smile...that glint in your eye brings something out in you that others have seen for so long...don't get me started on your hair....goddamn at your age a full head of hair like that....do you believe some, well a lot of people... take you to be 39/40 years old. It's been so goddamn long since we really got to know each other. Yeah you could stand to lose a good thirty pounds but goddamn ....look at you and that glow....its beautiful to look in this mirror and see who I have become.
I feel so alive, and my heart feels like its beating to a new symphony that would make Stokowski weep with envy. This feeling has taken over and I feel like I am going to be okay going forward. The glint in these eyes are not brought on by a designer drug or some charred glass stem..no sir, this is genuine and nothing can take this away. I have gone hidden among that shadow in the valley of death for so long I had started to forget such things as hope or truths. Time has taken years and given me some hard life lessons...but I don't think I would change anything behind me because I don't think I would of appreciated what lies ahead of me now. I mean....Shit!!!!!!!......why ponder on the past and ask what if....as if I really care anymore....hell yeah I still want everyone to like me....and yeah that is a given ....and they all love me....( not in that fanatical Sally Field kind of Oscar way)...but in a genuine and more promising way....I mean really I am a fucking survivor....not to go all Oprah but I would make a great HBO film....not really a series type....you know bigger, more of an impact with a wallop of an ending that would read....To Be Continued...I don't see myself as the gay Sarah Jessica Parker...or should I just say it like it is..... Matthew Broderick....no I see myself.... as is...Michael Damian Bates....( Damian....ahhhhhhh Michael Christopher Designs what you created).....I feel so full of promise that I just want to move forward and give back what I have learned these past few years...really these past decades.
I don't know ...but that emptiness is gone....I feel alive for the first time since I held my niece at a few hours old and even then it was only those times I was with her...but really in my 40 odd years I don't think I can say I have ever liked myself the way I do now.
So here I am almost at a half century....JESUS CHRIST.......no really.....let me say this .....I am scared at what lies ahead.....but I am not afraid of that....I look forward to the journey I began so long ago. I know it seems like you can cut the bullshit spewing from these full lips with a chainsaw...but really LOOK AT WHERE I'M AT......I'm in college with a 4 point fucking OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GPA and am seriously thinking about going to an Ivy League school....and am looking at all options for other schools...possibly an out of state move....its not about being anonymous anymore in the shadows...its about living life without remorse....it's about falling in love again with life and living life to the fullest and the greatest goddamn expectations that anyone has ever wished for.
I'm going to be around for some time and when all is said and done.....I will know that the journey was worth every goddamn cent....life does throw those curve balls and believe me I have struck out so many times.....but you know what......I NEVER GAVE UP.......AND GUESS WHAT .....I KNOW NOW HOW TO HIT THE BALL OUT OF THE GODDAMN PARK.....SO GET READY.....I'M COMING UP TO BAT....YOU HEAR ME OUT THERE.....BATTER UP.