Little Boy Lost

I am going to tell you a bit more of myself before I venture any further. I have some people ask me how this all can happen at such an early age but you have to remember it was the 70's and things where very different for everyone.

I wanted someone to show me love that I felt was lacking at home. I was a child who was way out of left field as far as my parents were concerned. I loved MGM musicals my Father loved The Bowery Boys , I loved The Seven Samurai ( saw this at age 10 and was hooked on Japan) my Mother loved Love American Style. I loved soundtracks while kids listened to Peter Frampton. I was in love with Judy Garland (no really ! ) and loved lip syncing to Get Happy.

 
I bought friends when it came time to my birthday and would invite my class to Howard Johnsons for a party and my favorite  the clam boat which was fried clam strips in the weirdest shaped hot dog bun I have ever seen and even today I don't think I have. I was the popular boy for that 2 hours or so and was the most gracious of hostess's it would of made C.Z. Guest proud. In school my Mother would make clown cupcakes and the class would forget taunting the sissy as they bit into a Duncan Hines clown head.

 I always felt alone and would sometimes pray to die so I could lie in my casket and see who would miss me and who would not be there. I wanted Robby Benson to rescue me from this life I felt so out of place in. I wanted to hide from my Father and his savage mood changes and my Mother's ignorance of the situation at hand. I forced myself onto my Mother and sister when she started taking dance class and wanted to be in class also. I felt this was the time I could get closer to my Mother and I seemed to frustrate her.This went on for a few years and the bond never quite grew strong but it cemented the ties between Mother and Daughter.

This was also the time I started to lash out at people whom I did not like and the list was quite long. I prank phoned a neighbor to the point the police got involved. This woman got back at me by grabbing my hair and forced me on the ground and shoved  some piss snow into my mouth. The bitch's name was Gloria Nickels and I have to admit I was non stop with those calls but don't call me sissy. I was now lashing out at my parent's in such a way they were so caught of guard it broadsided them. The once loving brother and sister bond was forgotten and this started a vicious war that lasted over 12 years. I felt like the Omega Man and the vampire's where family and neighbor's who wanted this weird child gone from the face of the earth.

I am going to go more into this in my blogs but I wanted some of you to understand why a preteen would venture into the alleys,restrooms and bus stations looking for someone who would pay attention and hold me as if they cared.